IDENTITY CRISIS

What are you doing? What are you doing RIGHT NOW? No, not what show are you watching, not whose reality you are NOT realizing. What are you doing with your life, your time, your mind...RIGHT NOW?

I ran across an individual not too long ago that asked me that question. A street guy. He asked me for a dollar. He asked me for a light. He asked me for a ride. All of the things that a street guy asks for. There was something different about this guy though. As he pulled drags on his cigarette he questioned me about my suit. He made references to the cut of it, the super 120 thread count wool fabric that is was made of. I thought to myself that this guy was weird, strange, and perhaps trying to hit on me! I began to wonder how does this guy know about the cut of my suit, the fabric that it is made of? That was my own ignorance; however, we conversed about many issues and topics, but it seemed that he knew that my suit was a mere costume. The most intriguing question he asked was "why do you wear that suit?". My response was natural..."because I am required to by my job". As he stared at me with a look of disappointment he said "what a waste of sheep...I'm sure that sheep had more important things to do". He walked away into street-guy land and I never saw him again.

For days the conversation played over and over again in my mind, not the issues and topics that we talked about, but the reference to the sheep having better things to do than to be my costume for the day. I have asked myself about that suit and the many others that we wear. Well let it be known I like my suits! And as far as the sheep knows he/she did what it was supposed to do. That is what I think my street friend was really asking me...ARE YOU DOING WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING...in your fancy suit?

So here is what I think today...there are three to-do's in our time here: WHAT YOU WANT TO DO, WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO, AND WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO. Most of what we do is what we want to do. We wear certain clothes, drive certain cars, eat certain foods at places of choice, etc. We use certain vernaculars and dialects, act certain ways according to our surroundings. Not that any of those things are one way bad or good, just some examples of things that we do simply because we want to. The needs that we have to do are those that result in the provision of our existence...jobs, schooling for our children, paying bills, obeying the law. You have to do these things to survive, to be free, to raise a family properly. The two previous to-do's don't necessarily require deep thought or inner strength to accomplish, they seem to happen naturally because of the patterns in and of our lives' that create what we consider normal. At least to me and my peers its normal to work, obey the laws, take care of your kids, etc.

Back to the street guy and the sheep. Did he see that perhaps I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing with my time? Did the sheep serve a greater purpose than me as a giver of his own life so that someone else could benefit? I can't help but wonder if my time and those like me are spending too much time and effort doing things that we want to do instead of living our lives' for the purpose of others. Take some of the jobs that we take on. We go to college, military, trade school or wherever we go and get degrees, certified, licensed in one thing or another, get a job and work there for years and years and stay frustrated most of the way and then we either move on to something else or make it to the finish line and retire...only to wish we could have done something different with all of those years. How does that happen? We are so smart, aren't we? Not so if we have not searched our inner selves and prioritized our to do's!

I think you get the point so far, an assumptive gesture by chance. Fast forward to the crux of the matter. What does the pursuit of your passion mean with respect to what we are supposed to be doing? Take the aspiring author...he or she goes to college and gets a degree in journalism and becomes an English teacher because that was the easiest job to get immediately following school. Three years later that person meets "Mr. or Mrs. Right" and gets married, two years later has a baby, and now works themselves into an abyss paying bills and being a proper suburbanite. What happened to the author within? Where is the seed that was planted so long ago that the layers of soil are so thick that even when watered with old ambition the sprout never surfaces?

You may not be who you really are. You may be using a fraction of your true talents and gifts that were given to you by God only to satisy some things you want to do, not necessarily what He has purposed you for. He gives us our abilities so that we can prosper ourselves in order to prosper someone else. That is my belief and you don't have to agree, but I firmly grasp on to the notion that we are talented and gifted in specific areas so that He can be glorified through the use of those talents and gifts. Right off hand a good and relevant example is the singer who was raised in the church and trained to sing in the church but only to become a secular superstar, sell millions of records, star in award winning movies and make millions of dollars...and be known as "crack is wack...Bobbieeee!" No different than the aspiring author who never gets heard. Never finding your "supposed to do", or maybe running from it, getting too busy to see it or just outright denying it can be so wasteful. Perhaps the sheep did have something better to do if in fact I or anyone else in the suit isn't using it for what it was purposed for.

THE BOTTOM LINE...IF YOU ARE AT A PLACE IN YOUR LIFE AND YOU CAN'T ANSWER TO YOURSELF WHY YOU LOOK A CERTAIN WAY, WHY YOU ACT A CERTAIN WAY, WHY YOU ARE DOING WHATEVER IT IS YOU MAY BE DOING...YOU DON'T KNOW! FIND OUT WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN PURPOSED FOR. FIND OUT HOW YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF THE THINGS YOU HAVE TO AND BE USED FOR HIM SO THAT YOU CAN BE DOING WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO.